Thursday, October 27, 2011

Thursday Thirteen – Thirteen Things about Dancing

Every season on Dancing with the Stars the judges are really tough on the contestants. However, I wonder if they have ever experience some of the natural body wonders that musician/author Nemo James can tell you about, during his long career in music. 

Just a Few Seconds Book Synopsis

Nemo James dreamt of becoming a professional musician from the first time he picked up a guitar following a talent content disaster. Thought of by his friends as being the person most likely to make the big time he turned professional but was continually side tracked by the need to earn a living from music. Just a Few Seconds, A Story From the Hidden World of Music and Beyond is an autobiographical account of his life in the music industry.

His journey takes him all over the world from private gigs for the rich and famous to the roughest pubs. Starting in the late sixties when heavy rock was born, through to the 1980’s and 90’s when discos and electronics decimated live music dance halls.

Just a Few Seconds is an amusing and heartrending story of perseverance showing how the road to success can lead us down the strangest of paths.

You can find Nemo James at his website,

Visit his tour page at Pump Up Your Book!

Thursday Thirteen  - Dancing with  Nemo James

I was one of the most dedicated musicians that ever lived and practised to the point where I could play any piece of music put in front of me. The problem was most of the music put in front of me could have been played by first year guitar students. It is  like mastering calculus and the only job you can get is copying out the times table. The one consolation (apart from the money of course) was that after putting my guitar playing fingers into autopilot I got to indulge in one of my favourite pastimes which is, to watch people dance .

You can tell a lot about people by the way they dance and I am surprised psychiatrists waste so much time talking to patients when all they need to do is watch videos of them dancing. Here are 13 types of dancers I discovered over the years.

The Alcoholic
He will interrupt his dancing and whisper something to his wife before walking towards the toilets. At the last minute he takes a detour to the bar and knocks back a couple of whiskies before returning to his wife via the toilets.

The Farter
His friends know he has a problem with flatulence so any nasty smells are likely to have emanated from him. His wife has given him strict instructions to control himself. Recognizable by his clenched buttocks and a reluctance to make any sudden movements.

The Exhibitionist
The dancer will be continually looking around to see if she is being watched. When she catches someone’s attention she will make a funny face and wave her arms effectively saying “look at me, I’m a real party animal.”

The Show Off
Thinks he’s John Travolta but looks more like John the pole vaulter.

The Tight-arse
He will spend most of the time on the dance floor and return to his table just after someone has bought a round of drinks.

The Professional
Serious but boring couples often found shouting at each other because one of them made a move that wasn’t rehearsed.

The Martial Artist
Usually a lower grade karate student who is desperate to show he does karate and so has superhuman powers. It is possible to predict the exact grade of a student by how subtly they blend punching or kicking into the dance. The more obvious the punching, the lower the grade

The Self Conscious
They are convinced that all 500 people at the venue are making judgments about their dancing. It never occurs to them that nobody cares how they dance.

The Press Ganged
Always male. He moves with short movements from side to side and hands in front of him like he is using a really wide keyboard. He hates dancing and only does it to please his wife.

The Flirt
This is usually found amongst the female of the species as men have trouble multitasking. The dancer will skilfully dance with her partner whilst giving the eye to someone else. The trick is to wait until her partner looks away, wiggle to the side, give the smile to her target and then spin around to face her partner again without him noticing. Advanced users of this method can even be seen giving out phone numbers to lip readers.

The Dysfunctional
There is nothing more painful to watch than someone dancing who has absolutely no sense of rhythm. If someone is unable to handle the rhythm of music they are unable to handle the rhythm of life.

The Fashion Conscious
Usually found in heels so high that dancing is almost impossible. Easy to spot as they are continually grimacing with pain.

The Gifted
This is a rare species and I have memories of their dance movements decades after seeing them. They have a true love of dancing and move to the music as if they were one with it but with movements that is entirely unique to them. They have a look of pure joy and happiness on their face as if that music is the most important thing in the world.

So which one are you?
Can you think of any other kinds of dancers?
Facebook your friends and tell them what kind of dancers they are!